The bad news for Republicans is that the midterms were a blue tsunami and, perhaps even more shockingly, Democrats aren’t blaming the massive wave on climate change.
The good news is that there’s no need to fight with your relatives about politics this Thanksgiving because all the yelling in the world isn’t going to make this a close race.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m just as annoyed with your blue-haired aunt who drove here with a COVID mask on in her Subaru just to interrupt the football game and tell you the Dallas Cowboys are playing on stolen land. But give Hazel and all six of her cats the win because Tuesday night was THEIR Super Bowl and Republicans didn’t even bother to field a team.
TRUMP’S GAMBLE ON KEN PAXTON BACKFIRES AS DEMOCRAT PULLS OFF HISTORIC TEXAS SENATE UPSET
Think about it. Texas went blue statewide for the first time since 1992 and let’s face it, Texas going blue is like Vegas going SOBER. Greg Abbott getting evicted from the governor’s mansion by Gina Hinojosa was obviously a huge upset, but the fact that Democrats also won a Senate seat with the gender-obsessed James Talarico means it’s only a matter of time before “Remember the Alamo” becomes “Remember the Pronouns.”
Perhaps I shouldn’t be shocked that such a God-fearing state would elect a pastor who once said Jesus was non-binary, but in my defense, I go to church every Sunday and I’ve never heard “a reading from RuPaul to the Corinthians.”
BLUE WAVE NEARLY SWALLOWED SOME OF AMERICA’S REDDEST STATES AS ELECTION DATA EXPOSES GOP’S CLOSE CALLS
Kansas elected a Democratic senator for the first time in 94 years. Yes, I’m serious. Prior to Adam Hilton’s big win on Tuesday night, the last Democrat to win a Senate seat in the Sunflower State was George McGill in 1932, which is seven years before “The Wizard of Oz” came out in 1939. Luckily, he was out of office by the time Dorothy followed the Yellow Brick Road, or the Democrats would’ve charged her a congestion fee.
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Don’t get me wrong, there were some upsides, like Florida electing Byron Donalds as its first Black governor in the state’s history. Or, as the race-obsessed liberal media will say, NOTHING. (Funny how that works when there’s a Republican involved) I was also thrilled to see Ashley Moody hold off the Socialist-Curious Angie Nixon for a Senate seat in the Sunshine State, but aside from that, the only other thing that went Red was our bottoms from getting spanked.
So my best advice is to lean into Thanksgiving extra hard this year and enjoy a rare and badly needed cease-fire from all the political pugilism.
Drink like you’re rooming with Kamala. Eat like the Ozempic shows up Friday morning, but most importantly, RELAX. That way you’ll be all rested up for Christmas, by which point we’ll have dozens of candidates declaring their bids for the White House and the REAL holiday fighting can begin.
FROM JIMMY FAILLA